Absolutely fascinating piece, and although I might not have the same analysis (especially coming from a very different age/emotional state/life condition), I recognise that you’ve touched on something truly profound in a way I had not thought about it. The sense that we (men) should not express emotion, and thus don’t really learn how to, also makes me feel like they don’t have much control over their emotions: they seem to come out of nowhere like some sort of spirit possession, and the depart when they are finished having their way with us.
My own passage through therapy and support groups has been an education, not just in my own emotions, but also in how other men deal with theirs. Your point about the transfer of emotions, especially shame, rings so true in this setting — one of the hardest things to share, even for a man who is otherwise getting in touch with how he feels, so one of the last dimensions of the problem to get cleaned up or dealt with.
Great piece! Thanks for a lot to think about!